marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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