Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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