My girlfriend figured out who you are.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I still have a little drunk in my system
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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