even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
