I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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