did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
