Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
