I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
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Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
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Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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