can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
