if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
