i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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