Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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