I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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