like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
