Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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