Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
