i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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