I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
