My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
