Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
