I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
