is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
