I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
