Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
