my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
