He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
