Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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