I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
