She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
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