I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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