I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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