if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
