90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
