yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
