i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
