So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Is this like a preordered booty call?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
