The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
