I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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