that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
