I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
