just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
