Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
