i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
