Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
