You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
