so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
