we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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