I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
