whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
