In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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