The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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