Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
