im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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