I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
