You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
