wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize