this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
