remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
