I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
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