the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
