I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
