the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
