Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
